midnight. snakebite. caught me in the back of my neck. everything reminded me of debbi tonight. i enjoy dc. i enjoy being a stranger. going out drinking. dancing. not responsible for anything. but sometimes just hearing a voice is all i need, and calling debbi is like roulette. i hope she’ll answer. that i get to hear her voice. the rest of you fuckers are so undependable with the phone.
hopefully, we’ll have a place by thursday. a real place. not one of these balsa wood homes for balsa wood boys, but a real home for a real boy.
debbi’s supposed to drive up here this weekend, and i can’t wait to see her. i’m going to buy a couch. i’ve never bought any furniture ever. but i’m gonna buy a couch. it’s gonna be awesome. i miss every last one of you crazy fuckers, but i’m kind of glad debbi and i have the chance to start over in a vacuum.
i’m different here. not totally different, but definitely not the scene guy i’ve been. no obligations. no responsibilites except to myself. it’s nice. i’m looking forward to debbi being here. laying next to her in our bed in a new city, her smell the same as it’s been for eternity, something to drown in.
we spend so much time enjoying the holidays, getting drunk, seeing everyone, dancing, that we forget their holy purpose, their sublime celebration of the divine earth. it’s mad to think we only every touch the one divinity. mad, selfish, and humanly foolish. every lover, every smile, every uncontrollable laugh is like lightening from the divine, striking the devil down from your soul.
up here, away from every foolish human, all your love, smiles, and contagious laughter, this stupid holiday takes on even more meaning. cloves for incense. vodka for holy water. and today for the holy day it’s always been.
debbi will be here soon, and ensconced in her touch, draped in her smile, swimming in her laughter, suffocating in her smell, her skin like wind brushed across mine, i’ll mark a new holiday. every day is a high holy festival when in your love. fail to celebrate and blashpeme your love.